5 things you will wish you knew after your divorce

Making the decision to divorce is one of the hardest, most emotional decisions in a person’s life. Dealing with the heartbreak and disappointment that comes along with divorce can be enough to overwhelm the strongest person. Then, dealing with the legal issues of the breakup can push a person beyond where they thought their limit is. One author posted about the 5 things she wished she had known before filing for divorce in HuffPost.

  1. The divorce will take twice as long as you think it will.

There are many factors that affect the length of time a divorce will take. First, in Texas, a divorce must stay on file for a minimum of 60 days. Usually, only the most agreeable divorces finish in that short time period. Divorces involving contested issues will inevitably take much longer. Plan for it.

  1. It is going to cost twice as much as you think it will.

Abraham Lincoln is credited with saying, “A lawyer’s time and advice are his stock in trade.” Thus, the more time or advice you need from lawyer, the more your divorce will cost. The easiest and least expensive divorces are those where the spouses can agree on all of their issues. In this event, the attorney becomes the draftsman of the legal documents. If the two spouses cannot agree, lawyers will have to advocate through the process to either reach an agreement or ultimately have a contested trial where a judge decides the issue(s).

  1. There will be bad feelings between you and your ex.

The reality is that you will probably have bad feelings between you and your soon-to-be ex during the divorce process. This is normal. However, especially if you have children, it is best to try to suppress those feelings for the most part. After the divorce is over, you can both move on and forgive the hurt. During the divorce is probably too soon for that.

  1. The ex’s family will probably hate you too.

Blood is thicker than water, they say. During a divorce, this proves true. No matter how close you were to his mother during your marriage, getting a divorce now makes you Enemy-Number-1 and there will be hard feelings with his family. Hopefully you will all be able to keep some modicum of peace for the sake of the children. But, still, just accept that you are the common enemy.

  1. You will feel awful during your divorce.

Feel lost? Sad? Like you can’t get out of bed? That’s pretty normal. Many people going through a hard time find that they benefit from a short round of anti-depressants. If meds aren’t your thing, try yoga, or running, or counseling. Take up a new hobby. Try something new that will occupy your mind so you aren’t hyper-focused on your sadness. Make your new thing healthy – you don’t want to wake up from your divorce fog one day with 100-pound weight gain or a new smoking habit or worse. But know that the feeling-like-poo phase will end. You will get through this.

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